Sunday, September 4, 2016

The empty nest blues...Sending my third born to college.

When each one of my children was born I suffered from post partum depression for about six weeks. As I left my third child at college - 5 hours away...I feel the same as I did those days after his birth. Overwhelming love and sadness. My mother called it the baby blues. Today I have a real bad case of the college blues (or empty nest blues)!

Friday, July 22, 2016


Today I need to pause. Get beyond the swirl of things around me I cannot control. There is so much to be distressed about...the worry about my job (will I have the strength to start over???), the worry about my 4 children (loans, leaving home, finding peace, finishing high school, making friends, not isolating, jobs, health, mental health, relationships...) the worry about my aging parents, the worry about friends who are far away, friends who are homeless, friends who will be homeless, the world, the election, others.... ENOUGH!

Today I am grateful for...

1. Sleepy furry friends Stella and Stan.
2. Aging parents who still manage to get out in the morning and toddle around from appointment to appointment. Keeping the stress of care-taking to themselves.
3. Nieces and nephews too many to count - the random text, snap, instagram of their smiles.
4. Rages that have dissipated. The managing of emotions - anger is ok - it is not a breaking dam, an explosion, but, a discontent that eases without a scene. So huge a difference I forget to notice. For me and for Zach.
5. Air conditioning
6. Eggs in the morning - my go-to animal protein sustains me and tastes so good.
7. Yoga - found at this ancient age of 53 to add strength to my spine, ease my pain, calm my mind. New found flexiblity.
8. MOMENTS - dinner with kids, breakfast with my boys, a drink with a friend, all four together for a moment...
9. Hope - it is still there off in the distance...maybe I will start up a career or build on the one I already have worked so hard to sustain...although losing my connection to the passion...hope that there will be connection.
10. Knowing that connection will happen. Again.
11. Tears that suddenly fall onto my bolster - connection to something unexpected.
12. Finding new again.